Understanding Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse can be confusing, isolating, and painful. When you’re in the midst of it, it can feel impossible to make sense of what’s happening. Many people affected by narcissistic abuse feel alone, hopeless, and unsure of themselves. They often don’t realize that there’s a name for what they’re experiencing.

Healing from this insidious form of abuse is not only possible—it’s essential. Recovery allows you to reconnect with your sense of reality, rebuild self-trust, and end the cycle of being idealized, devalued, and discarded.

I provide compassionate, informed support for those navigating relationships with a narcissistic parent, child, partner, friend, or employer. There is hope for your healing, and understand the importance of recovery in breaking the patterns of self-sacrifice, confusion, and emotional subjugation.

Understanding Narcissistic Personalities

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is one of the most misunderstood mental health conditions—even among professionals. Like all personality traits, narcissism exists on a spectrum. Some individuals exhibit narcissistic tendencies, while others meet full diagnostic criteria.

Beneath the confident or charming exterior, people with narcissistic traits often carry deep feelings of shame, insecurity, and defectiveness. To the outside world, they may appear charismatic, successful, or kind—yet behind closed doors, their behavior can shift dramatically. Survivors often describe this duality as a “Jekyll and Hyde” experience, creating profound emotional confusion and distress.

While every narcissist presents differently, common traits and behaviors often include:

  • Grandiosity and entitlement

  • A strong need to win or be right

  • Inability to be emotionally vulnerable

  • Lack of genuine remorse or accountability (deflection and blame-shifting)

  • Fantasies of success, power, and perfection

  • Deep fear of abandonment and need for control

  • Boundary violations and rule-breaking

  • Lack of empathy; exploitation of others for personal gain

  • Extreme shame masked by arrogance or rage

  • Passive-aggression, silent treatment, or explosive outbursts

  • Splitting others into “all good” or “all bad”

  • Vindictive reactions to criticism or perceived disloyalty

  • Constant need for attention, admiration, or praise

  • Viewing relationships as transactional “supply” rather than mutual connection

  • Manipulation and perfectionism

  • Difficulty seeing others as separate individuals (e.g., parents viewing children as extensions of themselves)

“Hope is the fuel that sustains all narcissistic relationships.”
— Dr. Ramani Durvasula

The Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic relationships tend to follow a predictable—and painful—cycle. These patterns often repeat until awareness and boundaries disrupt them.

  1. Idealization - In the beginning, the narcissist may shower you with attention, affection, and validation—making you feel seen, valued, and special. This stage can be intoxicating and may return intermittently throughout the relationship, especially when they fear losing control.

  2. Devaluation - When the narcissist perceives a threat to their ego (real or imagined), they begin to criticize, demean, and gaslight. You may feel confused, anxious, and desperate to regain their approval, internalizing blame for their emotional volatility.

  3. Discard - Eventually, the narcissist withdraws affection or abruptly ends the relationship—often after securing a new source of “supply.” Survivors frequently describe this stage as feeling like withdrawal from an addiction—emotionally, mentally, and even physically.

    This cycle may repeat many times, reinforcing trauma bonds and deepening self-doubt. Understanding these patterns is the first step toward reclaiming your power and healing.

What Survivors Often Experience

If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, you may notice:

  • Confusion, memory lapses, or mental fog

  • Hypervigilance and fear of conflict

  • Guilt, shame, or self-blame

  • Anxiety, depression, and panic

  • Anger or emotional exhaustion

  • Questioning your own reality or wondering if you are the narcissist

  • Physical symptoms (headaches, stomach pain, skin issues)

  • Obsessive thoughts about the relationship or what went wrong

  • Emotional flashbacks and symptoms of Complex PTSD

How Therapy Can Help

Working with a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse can be life-changing. Therapy provides a safe space to untangle the confusion, rebuild your sense of self, and develop the tools needed to protect your emotional wellbeing.

Goals of Therapy

  • Identify signs of toxic or abusive dynamics

  • Understand narcissistic traits and manipulation tactics

  • Learn gaslighting and trauma-bond recovery skills

  • Establish and maintain healthy boundaries

  • Express your feelings and needs safely

  • Prepare to leave (or manage) a relationship with a narcissist

  • Heal from abandonment, discard, and loss

  • Recognize and break self-sacrificing or enabling patterns

  • Support co- or parallel parenting with a narcissistic ex

  • Rebuild self-trust and confidence

My goal is to help clients recover from narcissistic abuse and its long-term effects. If you suspect you may be in a narcissistic relationship, I am here to help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing.